The journey to find my waistline (part 3)

So, it has been a hundred years and about  5 kilos since part two of my journey and I am sad to say that those have not been the 5 kilos that I wanted. Yes, that’s right. I started a weight loss program and gained weight. I metaphorically and physically need to slap myself in the head. Or kick my butt. Or get someone else to kick my butt.

The worst part is…I have no excuse. It’s not too hot, I’m not too busy. I have a toddler who would love to go for a walk in the pram each day. He could talk to dogs on his way. He would be in heaven. But instead we go into the backyard and paint and dig in the sandpit and draw with chalk because they are the things I like to do and they are easy. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing those things with him and he loves doing those things with me. But I need to get active. I realised that I have put on about 20 kilos since I finished work to have him. And he is only 20 months old. Yep, I am consistantly gaining weight. Right after I had him I lost heaps of weight. Maybe it was the breastfeeding, maybe it was the fact that I was feeding him so often that I didn’t get a chance to eat, but whatever my reason for losing the weight, I can no longer use it as an excuse for putting it on.

At our meeting tonight, our leader spoke about support. Who or what do we get our support from? For some it is recipe books with low fat, easy meals to make. For some it is a picture on their fridge taken when they were at their goal weight. For some, it is a supportive partner.

I have all of those support measures and they are working great- for my husband. His new size 34s were too big. When I took them back I could only get size 31s. He thought they would be too tight but they are a perfect fit. *Sigh*

So I have had a little bit of an awakening. I am an adult. I am responsible for myself. I should be on my own team right? So what I need most for support is…me.

A freind told me the other day about the 8 year old child we all have inside us. The one that looks at the sink full of dishes and whines “But I don’t waaaaant to do the dishes! I want to watch tv” and stomps away. She told me that sometimes, you need to have a chat to that 8 year old, exactly the way you would if they were standing in front of you. “I know you don’t feel like doing the dishes but if you spend 5 minutes and do them now, the kitchen will be all clean when you come out in the morning and you can go and watch tv without thinking about having to do them.”

I felt a bit strange during the first ‘out loud’ talk that I had with my inner eight year old, mind you I was in the middle of Coles so that didn’t help. Just kidding, I’m not that far gone just yet.

But seriously, I have decided I need to so the things that make me feel good. When I get up in the morning and have a shower, make the bed and put the clean dishes awway I feel great. I make my sons lunch if we are going out for the day and feel a million bucks. So why are there so many days that I drag myself out of bed, only when Smidge wakes up and start my day already behind. It reinforces in me the message that I come second, and not even a close second. Making myself feel good doesn’t even get a look in.

So, what’s the plan.

Well for this week:

• I will be accountable to myself through this blog, I will post, good or bad next Wednesday.
• I will track my eating every day this week.
• I will not buy chocolate in a family block. My family doesn’t have the same addiction issues that I do.
• I will start my day by doing at least one thing that makes me feel like I am starting off on the right foot.

Now, if only I knew how to make myself a star chart on here I would do it. Quite sad really but star charts do work for me. And lastly, and the hardest thing I have had to do for a long time, I am posting a full length picture of myself on here. I will not ever be this big again. And I’m starting today.