Archive for the ‘Behaviour’ Category

I think I might have found my motivation?!

Yep, I think I may have just stumbled upon it! And of course it is in the least likely place.

This morning I got up early.

Now my son is a nightowl so I am not going to tell you our definition of early, it would just be cruel. But I am up and about while he is still splayed out taking up 3/4 of a queen sized bed (as only babies toddlers all children can)

But anyway…I’m up. My husband is thrilled to not be the only ‘creature’ prowling round the house at this hour (the dog is still asleep too!) I have eaten breakfast, (which in itself is a small miracle), the swim bag is packed, my week is planned, folding has been done, clothes have been taken off the line. So far I have done more this morning than I have the entire weekend 🙂

And I think I like it.

I too am a nightowl, I would much prefer to be up into the wee hours of the morning and then get a sleep in the next day. But my life with a toddler doesn’t seem to work that way. I used to be able to get all the household jobs done when my husband and I were home from work, after dinner and a bit of relaxing. Now, by the time my lovely husband walks through the door, I am hanging out for my ‘shift’ to finish, so I can have some time to myself. And after the little sample of me time, there is no way I want to get up and start housework. I pretend I will, but it never happens.

But today is a bright and shiny new day! I have even had time to write about it! So I want to know…am I the first person who has made this brilliant discovery? Where and when are you motivated? Do you think I can keep it up? And please, if you do this, please tell me I can sleep in on the weekends?…

I don’t want my kids to be nice

or good.  Definitely not.  You see ‘nice’ and ‘good’ are not actually nice and good things to be.  They’re about oppression, and definitely a feminist issue seeing most pressure to be nice is on, and comes from, women.

How can I say this?

‘Nice’ is the woman who is working herself into the ground because she can’t say no to another job.

‘Good’ is the little girl at the back of the class who’s being pinched, but won’t say anything because she’s been told to be quiet and taught not to make a fuss.

‘Nice’ is biting your lip while people say things that are rude or nasty.

‘Good’ is allowing other people to judge my behaviour, not myself.  It is living in a constant guessing game and being scared to do anything in case I get it wrong.

‘Nice’ is not standing up for yourself, and putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own.

No.  I definitely don’t want my kids, and especially my daughters, to be nice.  And unfortunately they, and I, will almost certainly cop criticism for it.  But I’d rather be criticised than bully my own children.

There are other things far more important (in no particular order).

  1. Polite – especially when you are going to disagree with someone, it’s still important to be polite and give them the same rights you expect.
  2. Kind – being kind is completely different to ‘nice.’  Kind is telling someone (politely) when they’re hurting other people, ‘nice’ is letting them get away with it so you don’t upset them.  Of course it includes all the other types of kindness, being helpful but with limits.
  3. Assertive – very different to aggressive, but it seems to be so rare they get confused.  But we all need to be able to stand up for ourselves.  How can the world change if we allow injustice to continue?
  4. Assertive for others – I wasn’t sure what to label this, but sometimes we need to stand up for others too.
  5. Compassionate – An important one, but hard.  I can be compassionate and sympathetic, which means supporting someone and feeling for their situation.  But it also includes being kind and calling them on it if necessary, not letting them get away with things.  As an extreme example, we all know about the cycle of abuse.  A child who is abused definitely needs our compassion.  But if they grow up and abuse others, are they no longer worthy?  To me, it’s not compassion if it comes with limits.  It doesn’t change, they are still deserving of our support and our understanding, and still need us to call them out on what they are doing wrong.
  6. Questioning – I don’t want them to accept something purely because it comes from authority.  Of course, knowing when to question is the trick!
  7. Curious – This is a source of so much joy, and I want them to have a joyful life.  Discovering, investigating, noticing what is around them.
  8. Reflective – Know thyself!  So much of what we dislike in others is a reflection of ourselves, I want them to be constantly thinking about what they have done, and thought, and said, and how it impacts on others.  Be open to criticism and willing to change, if they think the criticism is right.
  9. Generous – How can we live together as a society if we don’t help each other?
  10. Persistent – Don’t give up, keep trying.  Whether it is to understand something, or finish, or find a new friend, or understand why on earth people do that.  And don’t retreat into your comfort zone.
  11. Independent – Be able to stand on your own.  It doesn’t mean you have to, but if you do you’ll be OK.
  12. Confident – This is about self-worth.  About knowing that your opinion and experiences are as valuable as other peoples’.
  13. Gracious – Pick your battles.  In spite of being confident and independent and assertive and reflective, you don’t have to have the last word.  There are times you will never convince others, even if it is hurting them or someone else.  So have the grace to withdraw and allow them to continue.

Of course, I would absolutely love them to have wisdom, which is how you know if you’re doing all the rest!  But I think that one will take a lot of time and experience to develop.

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Putting things away when you finish

I love the theory – I mean it’s so simple.  When you finish playing with something you put it away before you get the next thing out.  I’ve tried to enforce this since the beginning, first me then the girls when they could get the concept.  But 4 years on, my house is covered in half-done jigsaws, textas with or without lids, pull along toys and lots of little bits and pieces.  My kitchen floor is a graveyard of soft toys, fridge magnets, wipe cloths and little plastic containers.

Some of this is ‘good mess’ – the soft toys are there because the little girl knows she has to let go of whatever she has when she climbs or she’ll fall off, the wipe cloths are because both girls are really good at cleaning up spills and can’t get into the laundry to put them in the wash afterwards.  Some of it is the house – the plastics cupboard doesn’t close and is very high traffic, so all the little bits fall out then get kicked around.  Some is just the result of little kids – they love playing with the fridge magnets but of course that involves taking them off and they never seem to all go back on.  There are always clothes on the bathroom floor because they toilet independently, but can’t (or don’t bother to) get their undies and bottoms back on afterwards and I don’t know until later.

It seems that we generally start a new activity inspired by the last one, and stopping to put things away would ruin the flow.  Or if I’m really honest, I don’t think of it until later and then I don’t want to interrupt them when they’re concentrating/being creative/playing beautifully together.  And it’s causing fights with the big girl – every time she asks to get something out the answer is “As soon as you’ve cleaned the last one up” and she DOES NOT WANT TO.  She’s not going to get away with that, but I’d rather avoid the fights because it’s not a pleasant way to spend the morning.  (I went to play floor dominoes with the girls this morning and they were in their bedroom.  I asked why they were in there not the living room and the answer was “We don’t want to clean up there before we’re allowed to play.”)

Five minute clean ups at the end of the day work the best so far, but then I still spend the day stepping on small things with lots of corners, the girls skid on paper and hurt themselves, textas are left without lids, and vital pieces mysteriously vanish.  We’re reasonable and getting better at having homes for everything – there’s a box or a shelf they are supposed to be on, but not everything makes it back and as the day goes on we progressively drown.  Then it’s such a hassle getting the girls to bed that I just flake out and seeing napping is a bit disastrous/non-existent it’s my first break of the day and I want to get some of my stuff done, so every day starts a bit further behind.  My darling husband on weekends keeps the house ticking over.

I think after 4 years it’s time to admit the truth – I’m not going to remember to pack things away as soon as they’re done with.  It would be nice, it would be efficient, it would be easier.  But it hasn’t happened so far and I can’t see that changing.

So what do other people do?  Do you have really good memories?  Do you have extreme limits on toys?  (We don’t have limits as such, but a lot are packed away where they don’t remember them and we rotate.) Do you let it go then clean it all up afterwards?  I really need a system, I’m completely open to suggestions.

TV – Postpone and magnify

I’m happy with the way we use TV, so this post isn’t to get into that whole debate.  But I’ve noticed something in the last few weeks and it’s getting beyond coincidence.

We don’t watch much TV.  The big girl used to have a DVD while her sister was ‘napping,’ it was on, she’d have another activity as well.  Now she’s at preschool at that time, but DH often puts on a MacGuyver DVD before or after dinner (does that date us?).  So we’re only talking an hour or two a day, which makes her behaviour really noticeable.  TV doesn’t relax her or calm her down, except temporarily.  It postpones and magnifies.  So if she is tired and I pop on a movie on Friday afternoon, she happily watches and then she’s exhausted.  If she’s upset when something goes on she’ll calm down and watch, but when it finishes she’s beside herself.

I think it would be waaaaay too simplistic to blame TV itself – there are all sorts of other dynamics going on.  I mean if she’s tired and stays up an extra hour to watch something, of course she’ll be exhausted.  And if she’s upset and I really really need to cook dinner rather than being with her, of course she’ll be more upset later.  And if she’s happy before something goes on there’s really no problem.

It’s more an interesting thing I’ve noticed that I’m throwing out there as food for thought.  For us, it’s meant that I’m now very careful when to use TV.  If I think she’s overtired, I’ll do something quiet with them instead.  If she’s upset, the same.  I haven’t come up with a solution for getting dinner done, looks like I need to produce more leftovers for use in emergencies!  Or I suppose I could be organised?

13 Things I’ve Learnt From My Children


Thursday 13

1.  You aren’t going to walk straight away, so get really good at standing and the walking will happen.

2.  Take time to smell the roses, and the grass, and look at the ants, and the caterpillar, and oh look!  There’s a dead leaf!

3.  Sometimes you need a really good cry.

4.  Just because this part of the slide is hot doesn’t mean it all is, so check it all out.

5.  The world won’t collapse if you write your S backwards.

6.  When you’re happy to see someone, race out, give them a hug and tell them.

7.  When you’re throwing a tantrum you forget what you were originally after.

8.  When you’re pushing someone on a swing, you have to keep stepping back as they get higher.

9.  It’s a really different world when all you can see are knees and shoes.

10.  If someone tickles you on the stomach, giggle and tickle them back.

11.  Sometimes you need to tell the seeker where you’re hiding.

12.  Even if you copy someone completely you won’t be just like them.

13.  Forgive and forget – stewing over it only hurts you, not them.

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13 Practical Things That Would Make the World More Kid Friendly

They are our future.  They make up almost 30% of the population.  And yet we ignore them and make no provision for them.

1.  Children’s public toilets.

We manage to have disabled toilets, which is great, and there are more kids around than people with disabilities.  So how about a slightly larger stall so they can deal with their clothes or Mum or Dad can fit in with a lower toilet, toilet paper they can reach and a low, big, easily turnable lock. My husband has just informed me that men’s toilets usually have one lower urinal, which says some interesting things about women’s toilets and designers.

2.  Children’s cutlery and plastic cups at cafes.

It’s hard to eat with cutlery that’s too big, no wonder they drop it all the time!  It’s not that hard to give them teaspoons and dessert forks, or even get some actual kid’s cutlery. Even better than plastic cups, plastic cups with a narrow mouth.  Wide mouths just end up pouring out the side.  How would you like to eat your meal with salad servers and drink out of a bucket?

3.  Play equipment and feeding chairs in shopping centres.

I remember when shopping centres used to have little garden areas, before they realised they could stick stands in there and get more rent.  I know sometimes privacy is good, but then you have to entertain the older child while feeding the baby, or use a hard wooden bench.  So how about providing some comfortable chairs with basic play equipment, even simple things like floor mazes or moving pegs on boards if you’re worried about kids getting hurt and suing you.  A place where both kids and parents can have a break before heading into the next shop.  You may miss out on the rent for the floorspace but you would get a heck of a lot more customers, and ones who are more relaxed and can look around.

4.  Menus that include something other than chips.

Need I say more?  My kids like chips too, but it would be nice to have some choices!  They also like dips and crudites, or salad plates, or eggs, or risotto, you get the picture?

5.  Miniature shopping trolleys.

Sometimes I only want a few things, and why should kids be cooped up in a trolley?  It can be hazardous in a shop, getting hit by a full trolley is both likely and serious when you’re only 3 feet high.  I see this as a win/win – give them a little trolley with a flag sticking up so everyone can see them and they get to be included and have something to do, which means a whole lot less whining and tantrums!

6.  Steps they can stand on at counters that are meant for kids, like icecream shops or food courts!

I confess, if there is a bench at counter height I let them sit/stand on it and bad luck anyone who doesn’t like it.  It’s not fair that in a shop that allegedly caters to children they can’t even see what they are ordering, let alone gasp! order for themselves. Some of them might even like to hand over the money and pay for themselves.

7.  Matinees or afternoon shows, or ones late at night.

Wouldn’t it be nice to take kids to see something like Cats?  Or Starlight Express?  Cirque de Soleil?  I’m probably just showing my age here!  I’ve got nothing against the various kid groups, but my kids would love to see other shows too.  A show where people sing and dance and rollerskate – they’d sit through it.  What are tweens supposed to see – too old for the Wiggles but really too young for pop, they’re stuck with growing up too quickly or nothing.  But unless you live somewhere like London they’re always on at times that are no good, when they are winding down and tired.  Or as a parent I’m barred from going because they are right in the middle of bedtime.  If I could get them to bed first then go out later it would work much better.  Don’t complain that teenagers and young adults don’t appreciate ‘culture’ when they have never been given the opportunity.

8.  Roped off kid areas at places like cinemas or sporting venues

Notice how cinemas always have huge waiting areas?  How about roping a bit off so kids have a place they can jump, roll around on the floor, and generally do those things kids do when they’ve been waiting a long time.  They’re not in anyone else’s way, no-one is going to walk into them.  Sounds good to me.  Obviously parents would still have to keep an eye on them, but it would be a much more relaxing wait for everyone concerned.

9. Family/parent queues

Wouldn’t it be nice to move those kids through before they get to the stage of whingeing?  And seeing there aren’t that many adults who choose to do kid type activities if they don’t have kids, it’s not as if they will take anyone’s ticket by going through first.  But even if they do, I’d hope that the adult would be able to express their disappointment in an adult way.  Of course if there was a designated kids’ area that parents could see while they waited in queue, …

10. Playgroup for big kids

We have a brilliant play group, with amazing toys, dressups, play equipment and craft gear.  But it’s only accessible until they start school.  Once they are at school there are organised activities like sport, scouts, or music, or they are supposed to have friends over.  Now there’s a place for organisation and competition, but there’s also a place for creativity, imagination and co-operation.  It would be really nice to have access to the same range of gear and large groups of children so they can continue to play creatively.

11.  Flexible school hours.

Work with me on this one, it’s a bit harder.  Our school hours are a product of a society where kids went home in the afternoon to do chores or help out on the farm.  They needed summer off so they could work.  But is it the best distribution for a modern society?  What if teenagers could go to school from 11am – 5pm?  What if primary students could go from 7am-12pm then go home for lunch?  Or what if they did 9am-5pm but with a 2 hour break in the middle of the day when they could rest, play, do art, sport or something completely different?  It might be a great option for working parents.  What if school holidays were rearranged to have 4 blocks of 3 weeks?  In the NT we have 1 week at Easter, 4 weeks in the dry season, 1 week in October then 6 weeks in the Wet season.  Wouldn’t it be great if school districts could make these decisions?  It would be difficult logistically – if you had kids in different schools for example, but isn’t it worth exploring a bit creatively?

12.  Public transport

How about designated seats on public transport that had flip down booster seats? Not that hard to do, then kids don’t have their feet dangling and can see out the window, which automatically makes it more interesting. And they could even have harnesses attached!

13. Attitude!

Everything I’ve suggested so far is practical and do-able. But it will never really change the way society views children without a change of attitude. Children are human too, with exactly the same right to respect and dignity as adults. So adults need to be aware of this, respect them and allow them their dignity. Give them time to process questions and answer. Accept that they won’t walk as quickly as you do. Enjoy the fact that they have so much fun playing and smile at them. Assume that parents know a bit more about the context than you do and support them in their decisions. Understand that their sense of time is completely different to yours and they live at a much faster pace.

And if you can’t do that, remember what your mother said: If you can’t say something nice,don’t say anything!

How about some more suggestions?  And how do we take these to a higher level – lobby shopping centres? Councils?

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!

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A Happy Post

Just for SquiggleMum!

The other day I tweeted:

“I definitely have the most adorable, special, cute, wonderful, happy, loving children in the whole house.”

Someone else, the wonderful Wonderkarin, asked me why not in the whole of Australia?  I joked a bit, then amended it to ‘the whole world,’ but I’ve been thinking about it since and thought it might be nice to post about it.

I adore my kids, and they’re pretty special.  Apart from the ongoing sleep issue, they really are adorable, special, cute, wonderful, happy and loving.  There’s some normal toddler bickering, and big girl really doesn’t get that other people have a say too.  But she works so hard at listening and loves her little sister so much and is so caring that it’s easy to overlook.  And she’s just turned 4 for goodness’ sake!

Some of it’s luck, the whole genes/environment and personality thing.  Some of it’s circumstance – they have two parents who love them and can give them anything they need and a stable, nurturing environment.  Some of it is hard work on their part, especially big girl.  But I’ll also put my hand up to say some of it has been hard work on my part.  I’ll go against all the cultural conditioning that says I should be modest and say I’m really proud of the job I’ve done so far and I hope I can continue to do as well.

But they’re not the best kids in the world.

There isn’t really any such thing.  What I consider traits to cherish and nurture, someone else will consider bad manners.  What I consider minor annoyances or just being a little kid, someone else will consider mortifying.  And there will definitely be lots of people who think baby girl’s sleep (or lack thereof) disqualify her straight away.  We all have different values we want to pass on to our kids.

Which makes the whole competetive mothering thing absolutely pointless, doesn’t it.  Why would I compare my kids to someone else’s when I don’t want kids like theirs?  I don’t mean that in a bad way, just that I will guarantee that we have different priorities of what we want our kids to be like.  And that’s the other reason I don’t like saying my kids are the best in the world – I’m not competing with anyone and I don’t want to.

My kids are the most gorgeous, caring, kind, smartest, funniest, cuddliest, cheekiest, most confident, curious and just plain fun kids in this house.  They always will be, and that’s all they need to be.  Are yours?

13 Things I Have Learnt This Week

  1. It’s not actually possible for your head to explode.  You may want it to, but that’s another story.
  2. I’m ridiculously in love with my big girl.  She has been so worried about me being sick and she’s been adorable, cleaning, playing with her little sister and a pleasure to be around.
  3. The little one can sleep for 5 hours straight.  Several other nights there’s been a lot of crying, but that one gives us hope.
  4. I’ve never had sinusitis before.  I thought I had, but a dull ache above and below the eyes is nothing to the drill/knife/jackhammer that’s been active this week.  My entire eye socket and even my teeth hurt.
  5. There are actually about 15 trains a day from Rome to Venice, but for some reason I can’t get tickets after the 12th of December.  Later ones had better become available in the next couple of weeks.
  6. There is a Charlie and Lola live show in London on the 23rd of December.  My girls are going to LOVE it.
  7. I’ve worked out how to put together a yoked jacket with a lined hood and bodice with minimal instructions.  Now I just need time to finish the hems and buttons and for baby girl to actually try it on.
  8. It’s ok to let something go.  I always over-commit myself ridiculously and stepping back from something has changed my stress levels enormously.
  9. There is a local woman who does clothing alterations/repairs who put a new zip in my favourite jeans.  Now I just need to lose the weight so they’re comfortable again.
  10. It’s much less painful if you don’t look at everything as you sort it.  Two big boxes of baby clothes ready to go to playgroup and be passed on.
  11. I should have left the corn on the cob for both girls.  They ended up hijacking ours and we ate the kernels I’d cut off for them.
  12. I love my husband.  He’s helping deal with baby girl at night, doing his normal job and painting our new investment property after work.  And he’s been looking after me while I was sick.
  13. Between 1 and 2 is such a happy, loving, exciting, adventurous age.

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!

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MONDAY MONEY – INVESTMENTS Paying off Debt and Investing for the Future.

My strongest recommendation is to pay off the debt you have, and then plan further investments for the future. Many of us have debt, usually 2 or 3 loans, ranging from short term to long term. With all the loans there are fees and interest that we are paying. It is worth doing a few calculations to see how much you are paying back on all the loans. Once you have done this you will realise how much money you have for future investments.

Starting with the loan (credit card included) with the highest interest rate, how much is the monthly repayment on this account. If it is a credit card then there needs to be a plan not to make any more purchases using the card, the aim is a zero balance and then to get rid of it altogether. Pay the minimum on all other loans and put everything into getting rid of the highest interest.  Once this is achieved, using the monthly payments from the loan you have just paid out, add these to the next highest interest rate loan and pay it out. Adding the 2 amounts together will reduce the loan in next to no time and save you a huge amount in fees and charges. Keep doing this until you have no more loans left.

This sounds so simple, so why is it that we don’t do it? A big reason is discipline! We are not good organisers and really do not handle our finances as well as we would like to. There is always something more important than getting ourselves out of the financial mess we are in from week to week.

I think a fairly new product on the banking scene is the Offset Account. I know more and more people are finding this and starting to use it. I certainly did and it made a difference to my situation. Basically it is an account you have your savings or pay go into. Any interest on the funds is used against a nominated loan account. It is worth talking to your bank about how it all works. They should be able to explain it clearly. The interest that I saved on my loan I added to the repayments and I was able to reduce the loan faster, and in turn save more money.

There is a fine line between investing for the future and paying off debt. I strongly believe that we should be investing for our futures, and those people who make money from having us put money into their funds would agree with me. But I would say that we need to be a little cautious in this area, as we try and sort out what is sound advice and what is perhaps helping keep others employed.

It is all the harder when interest rates are low, there is a real chance to build some savings as I don’t have to pay as much in interest each month. Another way to look at this would be to say, here is a great opportunity to reduce the loan faster and reduce my debt! How many people have looked at this and kept paying the larger amounts into the loan, or have they gone ‘whew’ less strain on the budget and used the money elsewhere. I would hazard a guess to say lots of people have done the latter! I know what I have done in the past, lessen the strain on the budget is usually the path people take.

So how do I plan to make some real changes in my financial situation? My starting point was to look at all my expenses, then my income. From there I developed a budget. 3 simple steps. Making sure that my income was greater than my expenses each fortnight, including payments for loans. Once I had this information I was able to establish what amount I had per fortnight over and above my expenses, and what I could reasonably add to one of the loans I had. With this in place I made sure that I stuck with paying out the first loan. Next as I said before, adding the first payment to the second loan and paying it out. Not long before debt is being reduced very rapidly.

Once you have paid off the loan/s or repaid the money to someone else, you can start to seriously look at your future savings. Over the life of a 30 year home loan, you will have paid back in interest about the same amount as you borrowed. So it stands to reason that if you can repay the money sooner then you will pay less, and therefore start to save sooner.

I really do hope this is understandable as I have had a deal of difficulty putting it together. The main point is to not be paying interest on loans to banks as you try to save for the future, look at paying off your debt and then build a positive investment.

Monday Money – CREDIT CARDS – What a misnomer!

I like my credit card, it gives me a sense of power, control and a feeling of financial wealth. When I first got a credit card I had a limit of only $2,000, something small and manageable. It was relatively easy to keep in check, paid off at the end of each month and a really convenient way to pay for things. As time progressed the priorities for the budget changed and the paying off the credit card changed, and before long the card was at its limit. Sound familiar. Minimum payments became the acceptable norm for the month, sometimes a little extra went towards the bill. It wasn’t a debt, it was only the credit card.

Through the post came the first increase, an offer from the bank to increase the limit, take the pressure off, and couldn’t I use the extra money. The limit was now $5,000. More power, hey, look at what I can now use to buy things, bigger and better. Stroke the ego somewhat. Great way to pay the various bills on time, and leave the cash for other expenses. It was terrific, but in the long run a huge trap. The card remained out of control soon reaching the limit again, now the problem was even greater. Still the same income, but now the bill has increased, no wait, it is not a bill at all, just the credit card, make the minimum payment and things are sweet. Next bill in, the payment from last month only just covered the interest and charges.

As I said, I like, no, loved my credit card. I eventually let the limit increase to over $20,000. So much power with that amount of money. I refinanced the housing loan a couple of times to pay out the card, the aim was to get rid of it because I couldn’t control it. When completing the paper work the bank encouraged me to keep the card, and I let them. I worked with the best of intentions to keep the card zeroed each month, for the most part kept it that way, then the odd big item on the card, not so easy to get back to zero, slowly but surely it crept back to its limit, back in the same situation.

The name ‘credit card’ needs to be changed! It is not credit at all, and if we change the way we view and use this money then I know that people’s financial situations would be completely different. It is not your money that you are using; it is over and above what you have as an income. This money needs to be returned to its rightful owner, and it comes with additional costs, the money you use is probably going to cost you double what it would if you paid for the item up front with your cash. So the big ticket item that you want, need right now, on the credit card. Intention to pay it off in less than 6 months, at say 20% interest, the catch is that you don’t and the charges keep adding to the original cost.

To replace the credit card with something else is not easy. Firstly you will have to pay off the card, then what is there in its place. I suggest that you pay the card down, attack the debt, have a planned approach to reducing the amount. I liked to see on my statement at the end of each month an increase in the balance available and a decrease in the amount owing. Online banking is great for this as there is immediate gratification as you pay it off. Print out your statement and celebrate your success. Take control of the card altogether and start to reduce the limit available, this doesn’t have to be huge amounts, small is good, as the balance goes down, look at increasing the reductions on the limit as you take charge over the card, not the card over you.

As I thought about the credit card, I realised that to replace the card I would need to have the same amount in savings as I had as a limit. This is a really daunting thought. Think about it, if your card has a limit of $5,000, and then to replace it you have to have $5,000 of your own on in saving account. That is a swing of $10,000 if you are to be in control; perhaps this is why we don’t do anything as the cost of setting this up is beyond what most of us see as even the remotest of possibilities.

Have a look at your credit card statements for the last 12 months, go through and total up the amount of interest that you have paid? Think about the items you purchased and make sure these are items of need, not wants! The money you borrow needs to be for very special, emergency situation, and then a strategy put in place to pay it off as soon as possible. Keep a track of what it is costing you for each item, it will change the way you use the card.

I used this process to reduce the limit that I had on my credit card. I didn’t totally get rid of the card, I have a much smaller limit and basically use the card for emergency purposes only, and the balance is paid at the end of the month if I use the card, costs me nothing otherwise. I now have a Visa Debit card, the convenience of a Visa card, but using the funds that I have in savings. It really means that I have to have the money saved for the purchase, rather than just wanting something.

In the long run, the money you save by not having to pay additional interest and charges will help you gain control of your financial health.